In 2018, What Will Concern You, Affect Your Happiness?

In 2018, What Will Concern You, Affect Your Happiness?

As we enter a new year, it’s always wonderful to see it as a clean slate where we set out certain goals and eagerly work to attain them. But I will digress, remembering instead a year that was not about finishing a writing project, celebrating a wedding or a graduation or even as basic as painting a room or cleaning the basement. It was a year of CHANGE.

QUESTIONS AND PLANS 

It was 2013 where the mundane LIST above was eclipsed by life itself. The first concern was my mother. Diagnosed with dementia, in her upper 90s and living in a senior home in the memory unit, we wondered if she would live through the year.

Second, and in my mind the concern of my entire life, was my husband, newly entered in a clinical trial for a chronic form of leukemia that had wrecked havoc on his blood counts so that he was in grave danger.

And third was our plan to put our house on the market and move closer to one of our children–because John had retired but was fighting this cancer and because it has always been our modus operandi to make things simpler when complications are on the horizon.

And though we could not see the future, our end goal was to be happy. But not before we complicated our lives. Yet in the process, found many blessings.

HOW IT ALL WENT 

My mother died that spring. We had already put our house on the market, planning for a waiting and real estate bargaining period of six months. WRONG. The first family that went through wanted the house. That’s called: it sold in one day–just before Mom died. Then we realized we had to find a place to live, pack and move on. In the end, we accomplished it all.

It was a time when our country was humming along. We read the paper, kept up with the news, but our brains had space to grieve (Mom’s funeral) heal (John’s body responding to the clinical trial drug) and plan (we flew to California and after many days of looking, found a home we liked and could afford.)

AMERICA CHANGES OVER NIGHT

Now as I publish this, it’s almost 2018. Yes, we got through 2017, but only because in our own personal lives it was not 2013, we were not in transition. Transition in a PHYSICAL, MENTAL SENSE. (You know that losing a parent and moving are two of the most stressful life events. And I might have lost my husband! No wonder my  hair thinned!)

But many folks are now losing their hair, seeking medical advice both physical and psychological (I asked my internist and she said yes, has never been busier, never seen so many SICK clients) because of the climate we are now living in. How your country treats you matters. Will 2018 be better?

If you’ve stopped reading, that’s okay. My musings on this blog HAVE to include how life affects others. Yes, I am able to carry happiness with me, but I also FEEL for others–on a daily basis. I feel for my country. I want healthcare for its citizens–and jobs, and good housing and education for all children and much more.

IF I WERE RICH, WOULD I FEEL DIFFERENT? 

Well I am rich in so many ways: family, friends, health, a lovely place to live, my 2001 Dodge that still runs. But recent research indicates that if I were economically RICH, I might feel differently about people like me or people who have much less than I have.

BOTTOM LINE: The rich experience happiness in ways different from me.

The research reveals that instead of “feeling positive emotions that involved connections with other people, their (the rich) happiness is more likely to be expressed as feelings that focus on themselves.”  

This finding was published this month in the journal EMOTION and according to the psychologists that conducted it, their findings seemed to fit a larger pattern. They wrote: People with money are more insulated from social and environmental threats. That gives them the luxury of being able to focus on their own ‘internal states and goals’ instead of having to worry about other people.

The report goes on to say: Those who inhabit the lower classes…often find themselves at the mercy of others. They may be more vulnerable to crime, or may be forced to send their children to underfunded schools. 

And for those who struggle to pay all their bills, here’s a fascinating result to their condition. In order to accomplish what they need to accomplish: the best coping strategy is to muddle through together. That requires them to focus on other people instead of themselves.  

RESEARCH and FINDINGS 

Researchers surveyed data from 1, 519 Americans, questioning them about their household income and their emotional state. The participants were from all 50 states and represented a mircrocosm of the entire country.

The survey probed people’s happiness, asking about 7 distinct positive emotions: amusement, awe, compassion, contentment, enthusiasm, love and pride. Each emotion was described in a concise statement and survey-takers used a 7 point scale to show how much they agreed or disagreed with the statement.

  • People from higher social classes were more likely to agree with the statement indicating that they felt pride: It feels good to know that people look up to me. But people with less money were more likely to agree with statements that indicated compassion: Nurturing others gives me a warm feeling inside. I develop strong emotions toward people I can rely on.
  • These associations held up even when the study authors controlled for factors including age, gender, political ideology and religious beliefs.

The conclusions that the researchers reached were stated thusly: …wealth predisposes you to different kinds of happiness. While wealthier individuals may find greater positivity in their accomplishments, status and individual achievements, less wealthy seem to find more positivity and happiness in their relationships, their ability to care for and connect with others.”  Read more here.

DIFFERENT OPINIONS 

Of course the above is a limited study. There have to be exceptions to this rule and/or after a person achieves a high level of success and they begin to realize that HELPING OTHERS and SHARING what they have made, is more meaningful than anything they could do. i.e. Bill Gates.

But it’s not true of many who think only of their own bank accounts and security.

As we begin 2018, the needs of many Americans have become more apparent. How can we help? At the granular level: a small donation; helping a neighbor; turning back to a relative that we’ve ignored, joining a group like Meals-On-Wheels (is it still funded?) or offering to visit the elderly in a nursing home. My husband meets with people who are homeless and/or jobless and helps them construct a resume and the “elevator speech.” Then he helps them search for a position.

At the heart of every man and woman is the desire to work and care for themselves. Let’s make 2018 a year of believing that and helping to make it so–in whatever way you possibly can.

Photo: Thanks to Napoleon Hill and Brainy Quotes

SaveSave

SaveSave

Secrets and Lies Make a Story, Not a Life

Secrets and Lies Make a Story

I’ve been working on a novel for a long time, a story about a secret which becomes a major lie and profoundly affects a family. In literature, the engine of the story is often something negative–a problem that the protagonist must overcome, a hurt that must be healed.

Think of your favorite stories, the conflicts that the hero or heroine had to solve, or the worry and fear that often drive them to pursue a goal. Even in the comedic world, there is always a struggle. It might make you laugh, but it does make you root for someone. That’s what it means to turn the page.

In my novel, a child goes missing and finds comfort in a murder of crows that have descended on the city where she is living with her abductor. Thus the art above. Being a child she is wary of lies. She knows that she is now in the wrong place. She hungers for her parents and for the normal life she once led.

Wow. Look what I just wrote–normal life, wary of lies, in the wrong place. After a weekend where an argument over numbers became so important that a phrase was coined–ALTERNATIVE FACTS--I thought of fiction. I love fiction. I love story. But I also, like my little Sarah in my novel–I am wary of lies. Don’t lie to me. Don’t take me for a fool. Okay? Because somewhere, away from the secrets and lies, is TRUTH. And I am not afraid to seek it out, to know it, to look it in the face. Don’t mess with me.

John Keats wrote: Beauty is truth, truth beauty, – that is all
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know. 

What did this amazing poet mean? Oh well–readers, writers, teachers and scholars have been arguing that for years, since the ink dried on his parchment.

Keats wanted to condense his ideas in few words. Isn’t that what poetry is? Things in nature fell into his personal definition of beauty. His works captured the Beauty of life and made it a truth for all the ages. His own individual logic told him that things of this earth that are beautiful are truthful–a spiritual association.

But Keats didn’t just write about walking through fields of flowers. He saw the sorrow and sadness in life. He acknowledged ALL of life in his work. So did Walk Whitman. Think of the poem, I Hear America Singing. 

America, our country. It’s so amazing. So awesome. And I say this from my heart, grateful for the roof over my head (laugh out loud, we just had to repair it during rains we here in California desperately need). Grateful for my health insurance–but so worried about millions losing coverage because of the possibility of losing the Affordable Care Act–Obamacare. Some people have actually said we should get rid of Obamacare, but keep the Affordable Care Act. OKAY!! Where are they getting their information? What lies are they believing?

Each of us has a story to tell. And those stories will never become novels. They are our personal stories. But we must hold them to the truth. When we raise our children–truth. When we pledge love to a spouse–truth. When we work at our jobs–truth.

Mark Twain was so damn smart. He said: “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” And you don’t have to make up “alternative facts.”

Writing a novel is hard work but so much fun. You create your own world, make up your own story, create characters you want to hug and those you don’t want to be in the same room with. But creating lies to boldly hide secrets does not work. They will come back and ruin things. Make a pledge today to look for the truth, honor it and fight for it. At the end of the day, you can lose yourself in a STORY (TV NOVEL FILM) and yet feel safe that America is still protecting and caring for you the way a country should.

PS As a registered nurse, I support healthcare for everyone. I support OBAMACARE.