When It Is Time for the Adult Child and Parent to Move in Together

When It Is Time For the Adult Child and Parent To Move In Together

To help your aging parent, living together and carefully planning ahead for the move can be a good option.

Guest post by Kristin Palardy

When is it time for an aging parent to move in with their son or daughter, or for the younger generation to move in with the parent?  It’s fairly obvious that the right time is the point when a parent can no longer live independently because of physical challenges or serious health issues.  Additional decisions are also necessary.

Which son or daughter is most appropriate?  Where is the home located?  Who has more adequate resources?  Are there other options available?  What kind of medical care will be required?  Which home site offers greater independence and comfort for all the parties?

Begin the conversation early, if you can, and keep it going.  Aim for harmony, simplicity and well-being throughout the move.  Honor the parent’s request for holding on to small, meaningful keepsakes and maybe even larger ones.  If possible, hire help to smooth out the rough spots.  Here are five recommended steps for making the transition as stress-free as possible.

  1. Choose the home that will work best for both parties.  A short-term solution could be considered first.  Example: if the younger person could take a leave of absence to move into their parents’ home, care could be greatly simplified, especially if there are two parents involved.  For long-term solutions, it makes more sense to have the retired parent(s) move in with the adult child. 
  2. Decide how the home can be set up to allow maximum independence and safety for the parent.  Walls can be created in existing structures or rooms added. Sometimes a lower level works best for the elder, as long as stairs and obstructions can be avoided. 
  3. Recognize that boundary issues are bound to come up.  Spatial arrangements can no longer be taken for granted once two households have merged.  Conflict lurks in the most ordinary situations: different wake-up and bedtime schedules, dissimilar eating patterns, distinct variations in noise tolerance, disparities in political and economic views and a host of other distinctions that separate the two generations. 
  4. Plan to work out the details as you ease into your mutual living arrangements.  Keep your options open as both parties work out the glitches of living together.  When an issue arises—and certainly there will be some—be a problem solver.  Work on a win-win solution to lower distress for all parties.  
  5. Involve siblings, friends and support persons in major decisions and every day care.  Caregivers are often surprised at how willing others are to lend a hand.  An open-door policy expands the number of helpers and brings fresh energy into the situation.
  6. Be prepared to enjoy yourself.  As you confront and overcome difficulties—moving, settling in, getting re-acquainted with each other, solving problems—learn to lean back and feel the cushions. When you perceive the move as a unique opportunity, you’ll find your worries decrease and blessings increase. 

About Rescue Alert of California™:

Rescue Alert of California™ is the premier medical alert provider and has designed its products and services to respond with speed, accuracy and dependability.  They have been experts in senior health and eldercare for over a decade.  Extensive years of experience, engineering and research have brought about the highest level of senior medical care and senior safety products. Visit Rescue Alert of California’s website here: http://rescuealertofca.com/.

When It Is Time For the Adult Child and Parent To Move In Together

Thank you Rescue Alert of California for this guest post. Great information!

2 thoughts on “When It Is Time for the Adult Child and Parent to Move in Together

  1. There are also certain monitoring systems that may allow a parent to live independently for longer. In our families case, my grandmother was having some trouble with balance. She’s still fairly independent in that she can do all the daily living things, she just had been experiencing moments of falling over. When she would fall she would sometimes be out for hours at a time. However, this didn’t happen all the time. She didn’t want to move into a home and having a family member live with her didn’t work out well. We have a computer expert in our family and he found the Foscam, it is a 24 hr. monitoring camera. Since my grandma lives in a small condo, we only needed 1 camera (more can be installed if needed). It can move and we watch her through our computer via internet. The camera was less than $100 and the internet service costs about $20 a month. The camera does need someone with a little computer savvy to install but once it’s up and running it works like a charm. Everyone in the family has different days/times we ‘watch’ our grandma. We are able to pan the full length of her home and see that she is okay. Since she is still fairly independent but we needed some knowledge of how she is doing throughout the day this was a perfect solution. We’ve been using it for a year and there have been no incidences. We have an action plan in place should we see something on the camera and several family members are within a 5 minute drive. It was a good solution for us because she didn’t need constant care but we still needed some kind of assistance. It’s never an easy decision when trying to find a solution for parents and grandparents that need help but are still semi-independent. For more information: http://foscam.us/

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