I really do believe that there is much good in the world. But lately, I think we are finding it in different ways, in strange ways, because so much has highlighted our divisions because of COVID19.  People are reeling from change. Some are suffering: a trickle down effect that now feels like a tsunami. The small business you either own or work for closes. Your income, your savings dwindle. You can’t pay your rent or your parent dies and there are funeral expenses. NONE OF US CAN KNOW just how Covid 19 has affected the people we meet on the street, in the store, or who are raging online.

But I know that MY LIFE IN THE LAST THREE YEARS... has been devoted to my family, my writing, my garden.  And yet it has often found me angry.

Yes, I’m confessing. But, the only people who truly feel my anger are my patient husband and the relatives who agree with me. And my readers. (Thank you Readers.)

I did try to keep my own life on an even keel as I watched so many good things about the United States government being wiped out.

  • As I watched as men and women who were actually AGAINST a certain federal department were hired to run it–do everything they could to destroy its basic principals so that folks depending on getting help with school loans discovered they were out of luck.
  • Or those who believe that protecting the environment is crucial, who want to keep the earth healthy, watched as one by one protective measures were vetoed or quietly removed by the Department of the Interior. And those are only two examples.

WE KNEW THESE THINGS WERE HAPPENING. And If you cared to discover the truth, it was available to you. But many turned their backs on these changes because they believed in maybe one aspect of the current administration’s plans. I call that throwing the baby out with the bathwater. I call that being blind to the needs of all citizens.


And then the disgusting and disgraceful murder of an American citizen, George Floyd, by members of the Minneapolis police department, occurred. People took to the streets to protest. And after some took advantage and looted, the tenor of things changed, people were bonding, coalescing, singing, and protecting one another from the police who sometimes used rubber bullets and tear gas to stop or control American citizens. I thank our citizens for their emotional power, for their coming together to protest, for their honoring a man who needlessly and cruelly lost his life at the hands of police.

SOME TAKE AWAYS…So what am I thinking today.

I am grateful to family and friends who saw the wrongs that have been occurring in our country and who shared my sadness, my anger, my questions. How can this still be happening, I keep asking? At the beginning of these last three years, there were people in my life who voted for 45. I tried to make them my friends, regardless. But I heard statements like:

It will be fun to have DJT for President.  Again, that’s not why we vote, to be entertained.

You just have to let that go.  Being told that when I confessed I was depressed about the situation at the border–no!! I don’t let those things go if I know with my voice and my vote I can change things to where they should be.


I do believe there are always great things, good things happening along with the questionable, the disappointing. During these three years, I bonded with women who felt as I did and we worked with the League of Women Voters, volunteered to raise money for local charities, helped senior citizens, made phone calls for the candidates of our choice, and sent small toys and art supplies to the children at the border. I will always thank the Progressive Women of Congo Valley for their friendship and how we all bonded.

But life can sometimes feel like a MAZE OF DISAPPOINTMENT. First it was the president we got and now it’s the pandemic we got.

But yesterday, while trying to always be the good girl that my mother raised, I found my place on the red divider in the grocery store, six feet behind another woman. But then she turned. “Did I cut in front of you?” she asked. “Oh no,” I said across our space, “No, you’re just fine.” She smiled and faced her cart. But then seconds later, she turned around again, looked at me: “Are you sure?” I smiled. “Oh yes, I’m sure. You’re just fine.”

And then she went on to purchase her groceries, push her cart, wear her mask in this every changing MAZE we call life. I finished and followed, remembering that my mother always wanted me to grow up to be a “good girl.” DAMN, I’m trying. But sometimes you don’t know whether to be grateful or that it’s truly time to pour into the streets and scream: “THIS HAS TO STOP.”  “LET’S GET TOGETHER AND MAKE MORE GOOD IN THE WORLD”